Willing My Death
by Suzume Jun
Summary: Ryoma Echizen has lived his life with an illness that has left him with nothing but tennis and his cat. This has been his reality since he was small and he doesn't think it will ever change. When he moves to Japan however, things start changing alright. Thanks to one Yukimura Seiichi who can't seem to mind his own business.
1. Jelous Hatred

Chapter one: Jealous Hatred

Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis and I made up the illness I gave Ryoma. Please do not sue/hate me, thank you.

His name was Yukimura Seiichi...

... And I hated him.

He'd probably hate me as well if he knew I even existed to be honest. We each take for granted what the other would have traded the world for. He had a lot of things, a family that loved him, a life outside of the courts, actual friends that worried over him, an illness that could be cured. Just to name a few. Me? Well, I had tennis...

... And a time limit in which to play it in...

They say he has a neurological disease called Guillain-Barre syndrome then expect me to feel sorry for him. So when I roll my eyes at the news then ask why everyone is making such a big deal about it they think me the most insensitive brat in the world who doesn't care about anything other people go through. Their eyes narrow into a glare and I can tell they are seconds away from giving me this long pointless lecture about the disease I had wished to be lucky enough to be born with instead. That is until the other hospital employee in the room suddenly needs their help with something and they step out of the room.

A little while later they come back pale and shaky as if they had seen a ghost. Eyes full of pity and hastily wiped dry of tears. They say nothing about it again until I leave. Most wish me to stay bedridden like Yukimura but there is little reason to do so. I would never consent to it and whether an attack happened outside a hospital or in it there is very little change in my chances of survival. Who am I, you may ask? I am Echizen Ryoma, and I have the disease known as the 'Angel Maker'...

...Voluit Mortem Syndrome...

\- Line -

The first time I heard about him was from my doctor Sagamoto-sensei. A tall green eyed woman with chestnut hair that fell to her shoulders and was always trapped in a ponytail. She seemed to be thirty-one or so but the only answer I ever got from her about her age was, and I quote, "Ryoma-kun should learn to never ask a woman her age" so I never really knew for sure. She only ever wore minimal make-up unlike Ka-san who seemed to paint her face onto herself every morning (I've been told I exaggerate about that but I don't think so. Ka-san seems to go through cosmetics the way Oyoji goes through porn. Sometimes dipping into either Nanako-san's or my own collection when we call her out on it so that she can claim that she hasn't bought any in a while. Yah, doesn't work...) and usually dressed in a pair of jeans, a dressy shirt, and her lab-coat. She had been my doctor for only about a month back then. I may not have been her first patient but I was definitely her worst...

... No one wants a twelve year old on death row to be their responsibility...

But she hadn't made it seem like that. Unlike the others before her that I fought tooth and nail with she let me do the things I wanted without the hassle. It made her co-workers accuse her of giving up on me, and even worse, without having even tried first. But she stood her ground. Tieing me to a bed wasn't going to make my brain stop telling my body parts to shut down and it definitely wouldn't make _anyone_ involved happy. Oyoji would have simply transferred me to someone else, he's done it before.

We had been talking about how my lie was going. School, friends, details on my last attack, tennis... those kind of things. When she had suddenly said that a new patient had been admitted under her care today. The hospital staff was obviously going to run tests first but they thought he had something similar to my own problem. That's what she called it. It wasn't an illness, disease, or even a curse when it came to her. To Sagamoto-sensei it was only ever my problem, nothing more nothing less. She had wanted to ask the boy if he would allow me to visit him and have me talk to him for a bit whenever I was at the hospital. You know, the whole 'similar circumstances' thing, help him 'see the light at the end of the tunnel'.

I told her I would think about it.

And I was going to. I really was, but on my way out I passed by his room and it was by far more crowded then my own had been seven years prior. His family and friends worried and underfoot. I told myself that it was because he was obviously a tennis player and I didn't want my own team to find out about my illness, I had just gotten used to being part of Seigaku, I didn't want to lose that feeling of being wanted so soon after getting it. He had so many people willing to be there for him right then and I'd go talk to him if he actually needed me but he didn't right at that moment. Afteral, I was just fine living with something far worse and when I was diagnosed I only had two by my side.

... Karupin and a brother who was long since history.

**Hey Everyone! I promise this is the last new series I will post before I Finnish at least two of my already posted works on progress. So where to begin? How about a confession to begin with? I don't really know what I'm planning with this story. I just kind of got another half-formed idea in my head and decided to start typing. I don't even know why exactly I put Yukimura in here but I have and he will be getting a bigger part soon. So any and all criticism and suggestions will be extremely helpful with the creation of this story. Is this even something I should continue or should I just take it down? Anyway, "Voluit Mortem" is Latin for "Willed Death" and the disease is completely made up by me. It's a genetic malfunction in the brain that skips over generations so that it only affects say one person in every six or seven generations of a bloodline. You are born with it and most people live only a year at most once diagnosed. Its a rare disease that mostly attacks young children which is why it was nicknamed the "Angel Maker". Ryoma himself is the longest living person of that disease and he was five when the news that he had it was announced to the Echizen family. But enough of that you want to know what it actually does don't you? Well, basically the brain stresses out and gets confused for some reason or another making it shut down and, in the process, stop sending signals to the (an)other part(s) of the body. This stops them from working properly for a while. Depending on what body part it is this causes complications. Oh, and Sagamoto-sensei is, due to the power of artistic licence, both a doctor and a psychiatrist. She is not however a surgeon.**


	2. Quiet Curiosity

**Summery: Ryoma Echizen has lived his life with an illness that has left him with nothing but tennis and his cat. This has been his reality since he was small and he doesn't think it will ever change. When he moves to Japan however, things start changing alright. Thanks to one Yukimura Seiichi who can't seem to mind his own business.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis and I made up the illness I gave Ryoma. Please do not sue/hate me, thank you.**

**Chapter Two: Quiet Curiosity**

I see him watching me sometimes.

A sad looking boy no older than 10 years old, with black hair that shines green and the most amazing pair of large golden eyes I have ever seen (Probably the _only_ pair of golden eyes I've seen...). He's sort, thin, and the first time I saw him I mistook him for a girl. Also, I think someone keeps hurting him because it seems as if whenever I see him he's injured in some way or another.

He never enters my room. But once a week like clockwork I see him standing there in the hallway outside my room staring in with those large golden eyes of his. He doesn't move to come in, speak to anyone, or do anything much really. Just stands there watching me with this hurt longing expression on his face. The few times I've tried talking to him his eyes go wide as if he hadn't thought I noticed him and he hurries away like a six year old caught doing something wrong.

Sagamoto-sensei laughs when I asked her about him.

"That would be Ryoma-kun. He's a sweet child really, but his head's a little messed up. Just go with it OK Seiichi-kun? He's the one I'm trying to get to talk to you after his appointments." She had replied which only made me more curious about him. Why would she want him to talk to me? Was it possible that he had the same disease they think I have? "No, He doesn't have Guillain-Barre though he does have something similar. But I can't tell you what it is due to patient confidentiality so you'll have to help me with my mission." I must be slipping, I hadn't realized I said that last question aloud.

That's what I liked about Sagamoto-sensei. She cares about us. Don't get me wrong, the other doctors do to, but with her you could tell this was more then just a job. Sagamoto-sensei genuinely only wanted to heal people in anyway she could. Doesn't make me like my situation any better but at least she wasn't one of the people harping at me about if I should have the operation or not. (And as my doctor you would really think she had an opinion on the subject.) Though she probably doesn't want to actually say anything about it until it's actually confirmed that I really do have the disease. Smiling I had agreed, but a few weeks later everything seemed to go downhill.

He talked to me.

Well, he didn't really talk to me, more like glared and hissed at me like a cat from the doorway, but it had seemed like it was a start at first...before his words had registered in my brain.

"You think you have it so bad don't you?" He accused me suddenly after having watched me silently for about ten minutes. He was injured even worse today than usual and, while he always looked vulnerable to some extent, he seemed even more so today than usual because of it. A bandage was over one of his eyes and his right hand was wrapped. I couldn't tell how far up the injury went since he was wearing a hoodie even though it was a warm day out (from what I could tell anyway) and the gauze disappeared under his sleeve. However, it was concerning since we were in a hospital and yet he was bleeding through the bandage. Was it just me or did anyone else here notice the spot on his cheek that looked as if make-up had been hastily applied to just that one area? I had been discreetly watching him while pretending to read one of the books Ka-san had left me before her lunch break ended. Ryoma-kun, as I had just found out he was named, tended to stay longer when I appeared not to be noticing him at all. Still, the sudden break in routine startles me and I look up at him fully, smiling at him despite how rude that had been. After all, Sagamoto-sensei probably wanted me to talk to him for a reason if she was working so hard for it to happen.

"Whatever do you mean Boya?" I ask, turning on the charm that seems to never fail in keeping my team in line. But he isn't one of my teammates (I wonder, does he even play tennis?) and if anything it seems to make him angrier.

"Che! You have absolutely everything anyone could wish for and yet when something even a _little_ wrong happens you're all 'poor me', it isn't the end of the world you know." With that he spins on his heals and walks away. My knuckles are white from gripping the book so hard and my body is shaking slightly with anger but my mind is to shocked to really do anything.

He stops his ritual after that, and for some reason I miss his visits after only a few weeks. Though what shocks me the most is that when it is declared that I really **do** have Guillain-Barre syndrome it is his angry words that keep me a float. Not the sobs of Ka-san and Mi-chan. Not the silent support of Tou-san, Gen, Jackle, and Yanagi. Not Nio's jokes, Akaya's anger at the world, Marui's cakes, or Renjii's statistics. Not even Sagamoto-sensei's assuranses that people have survived the condition and similar versions of it that were considered much worse in the eyes of her field...

...But Ryoma-kun's accusation.

The accusation that in the end was the true deciding factor of me accepting the surgery, from the boy I would hear nothing more of until after the Kanto tournament.

**Hello Everyone! I hope your summer is going well and that you like Willing My Death so far. My promise of finishing two of my stories before I start yet another one still stands and is actually half way done since I finished Unnoticed a little while ago. I shall once again state that Ryoma's illness does not actually exist as I made it up myself. Thank you for all of the reviews, comments, and suggestions so far and I hope that you will continue to show your support in the future. Until next time...**

**...Bye!**


	3. Deadly Interest

**Summery: Ryoma Echizen has lived his life with an illness that has left him with nothing but tennis and his cat. This has been his reality since he was small and he doesn't think it will ever change. When he moves to Japan however, things start changing alright. Thanks to one Yukimura Seiichi who can't seem to mind his own business.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis and I made up the illness I gave Ryoma. Please do not sue/hate me, thank you.**

**Chapter Three: Deadly Interest**

"How long until he can play again?"

"Excuse me?"

"The brat can still play tennis right? How long?!"

Golden eyes shoot open to the sound of the alarm clock. He was dead tired still, and seemed to become more so with every passing day, but from experience he knew that even if he did have the time for it he couldn't go back to sleep. Turning off the clock he never knew if he should thank profusely or chuck against a wall (Or better yet out a window), he sits up in a bed just staring at his hands for a little while trying to organize his thoughts.

Yesterday he had seen that team again. Much to his relief they hadn't recognized him from the two or three times they had passed each other at the hospital but that didn't mean much. As their sick, hurting, team member Yukimura would be getting an update on Kanto and, hearing that they had lost, he would want to know why. Yukimura would figure it out. He may be a spineless whiner but he did have a brain (apparently). So frankly, he was screwed...

... and from the heavy feeling hanging from his right shoulder that was the least of his current problems...

Sighing he pushes himself up using his left arm and goes into the bathroom to take some of the steroids Sagamoto-sensei had put him on two weeks ago. Thankfully his legs were cooperating with him this morning.

-POV Yukimura-

"You what?!" Seiichi couldn't believe his ears, his team had lost (Came in second yes, but still lost), RIKKAI had LOST! Not just one or two games either but a MATCH! The entire team seems to look relieved and a little less scared then they did before I started yelling. I wonder why... turning to Gen I plaster a smile on my face and their fear seems to skyrocket. Good. We were Rikkai, how dare they lose. It wasn't allowed. What if the school lost interest in our team because of this and we were cut! Didn't they think of that?

"Gen, would you mind telling me how this happened, hm. I'm very curious you see." Sweating Gen starts his report. Basically outlining that the team lost because in their rush they had underestimated their opponent. In my head I start making plans on how to improve my team so that this loss never happens again. At least, that is, until we get to Gen's match. Renji supplies the name. Gen can't seem to tell me.

Echizen Ryoma

12 years old

Freshman at Seigaku middle school

He spouts off some more information about the boy but I stay quiet. The more I heard the more I knew that this boy that had defeated my Gen was the same Ryoma-kun that had once watched me like clockwork.

"What disease does he have?" I ask Renjii and my data player looks both startled and confused (Maybe not to others but I've had practice reading his expressions over the years).

"There is nothing in my data that says he has an illness."

How interesting...

**Hello everyone! Yes, I know this chapter is (considerably) shorter than the others but I was simply trying to force a writers block away with this so I couldn't do to much. After all, I didn't want to have to beat myself up later for having put too much in one chapter all of a sudden however I did have Seiichi find out about Ryoma, so that's something right? I hope you are enjoying this so far and don't be afraid to comment. Until next time...**

**...Bye!**


	4. Enlightened Denial

**Summery: Ryoma Echizen has lived his life with an illness that has left him with nothing but tennis and his cat. This has been his reality since he was small and he doesn't think it will ever change. When he moves to Japan however, things start changing alright. Thanks to one Yukimura Seiichi who can't seem to mind his own business.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis and I made up the illness I gave Ryoma. Please do not sue/hate me, thank you.**

**Chapter Four: Enlightened Denial**

**\- POV Echizen Ryoma -**

"They've been saying that for seven years now right? He's perfectly fine."

"He is _not_ 'perfectly fine' Anata! How much longer are you going to pretend that he is? It's destroying him even faster you _know _that!"

"Of course he's fine, he's playing tennis isn't he? Those stupid doctors are just making a big deal out of nothing, so what if his heart's slightly weaker then average! He grew out of that!"

"It's more then just a weak heart-"

Ryoma closes the door softly behind him as he flees the place that will soon become a battleground. Karupin's full food and water dishes were safely stored where she could get to them in his room, his uniforms were in his tennis bag with his medicine and ponta/meal money, and he had a destination in mind. The only thing that could stop him now was either an attack or a rain storm and since he was expecting neither tonight his only hope was that his hiding place was still uninhabited.

There was no way he was staying here tonight. Fights like that usually escalated and he didn't feel like dealing with the consequences of being in the line of fire...

The golden eyed preteen sighs as he makes his way to Seigaku, forcing a rather bitter laugh at the thought of buchou's face tomorrow morning when the brunet realizes that for once someone has actually beaten him to practice. At least he'll be on time for once. A yawn escapes him, the tiredness of it all closing in on him and he can't help but wounder if Sagamoto-sensei was right in her hypothesis. After all, summed that way it seemed so... simple, easy to fix, laughable even.

Apparently his problem was that his mind revolted against his father's decision of him being a tennis player and he had (unconsciously mind you) decided to fight back against it the only way he thought he could at the time...

... by shutting off.

But that couldn't be. First of all he liked tennis. Really, it was the only thing he was capable of doing somewhat right and if he stopped playing then the old bastard would probably lose interest in him faster then Karupin could shred a porn magazine. Besides, he was an Echizen, tennis was his life. He'd never picked up a hobby, unlike the others he didn't have the time for it. Also what five year old mind comes up with the idea that since he didn't want to do something? Which he had. He'd really wanted to play that match and prove to Oyoji and Ryoga, who had been Tou-san and Aniki at the time, that he was worth more then just the songs he made up on the sidelines while they practiced together. Even if he'd preferred rhythms and lyrics Ka-san had taught him while he sat on the kitchen table watching her cook dinner every night to the barbaric and aggressive tennis the rest of his family played that had scared him until he was... well... until it hadn't anymore. Anyway, he had wanted to play that match even if the boy across the net had been twice his size. He wasn't useless. Finally that couldn't be his problem because even if he hadn't wanted to play tennis when he was younger he obviously did now and the disease hadn't gotten better as he grew older but worse. Besides, Voluit Mortem was a hereditary neurological disease, it had absolutely nothing to do with his wants subconsciously or otherwise.

It didn't.

right?

**\- POV Yukimura Seiichi -**

"I'm sure I would know if one of my teammates had been..."

"Hakase? Are you alright?"

"Why hasn't this turned up in any of my broad searches?"

"Are you alright Hakase?"

"I'll call you back Renjii... there's something I need to do." With that the Professor's line goes dead and he seems startled for a second before he reaches for a notebook, not pausing when I cut in.

"So Seigaku doesn't know?"

"Aparently not..." I ignore the seemingly endless list of statistics that begins to spout from my Data player. I'm actually surprised at this. If there was one thing that team was proud of it was the fact that they were a close knit "family". Which apparently gave them permission to never keep their noses to themselves when it came to a teammate's business. However, my respect for Tezuka as a captain decreases, the very idea that someone would be so ignorant of the state of the players under their charge is disgraceful. But at the same time my respect for the first year as a tennis player increases. To be in the same ward as I was he had to have something serious yet he still managed to play well enough to beat Gen. Besides...

... Even _I_ had trouble keeping things from Syuu-chan.

Thinking of the blue-eyed brunette I get an idea and pull out my phone. For some reason Renjii seems nervous when I say goodbye but I pay it no mind, my fingers already dialing an all to familiar number. Ryoma-kun was really good at hiding it seems...

... This was going to be fun...

**Hello Everyone! It's been a while since I updated this one hasn't it? I know it's a bit short but I hoped you like it. On the bright side I do believe that Seigaku will be finding out in the next chapter. I have a question for all of you, should the point of view remain being solely Ryoma and Seiichi or should I start adding other people's view points as well? Reviews, comments, and suggestions are always welcome. Until Next time!**

**Bye!**


	5. Morbid Humor

**Summery: Ryoma Echizen has lived his life with an illness that has left him with nothing but tennis and his cat. This has been his reality since he was small and he doesn't think it will ever change. When he moves to Japan however, things start changing alright. Thanks to one Yukimura Seiichi who can't seem to mind his own business.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis and I made up the illness I gave Ryoma. Please do not sue/hate me, thank you.**

**Chapter Five: Morbid Humor**

**\- POV Echizen Ryoma -**

"I don't know what your talking about Inui-senpai." I say, trying to seem as detached and unconcerned as possible, even as my heart starts doing back flips in my chest.

"There is a 95.52% chance that you do." The data player insists and I wish that practice would start already so that Buchou would give us laps to do or something.

As it is I am saved by Eiji-senpai with a shout of "OCHIBI!" and one of his infamous death hugs. I never thought I would be this happy to be strangled, though my lungs are starting to hurt.

"Eiji! Let go of him!" Oishi-senpai pries the redhead off of me before proceeding to check me over.

"Ehhh! But Ochibi-Chan is so cute! And he's _EARLY_! Why is he early Oishi? Ochibi-chan's _NEVER_ early Nyaa! Or are we late? Te-"

"I'm fine Oishi-Senpai, I just really wanted to play tennis today Eiji-senpai." I cut in and chocolate eyes look me over once more while Eiji-senpai whines to Inui-senpai about how cruel I am. Satisfied, he pats me on the shoulder with a smile before walking over to talk with Buchou.

As the redhead drags me away towards the courts upon suggestion of Inui-senpai I glance over my shoulder at the data player. My eye catching the edge of a print out I hadn't noticed before sticking out of his notebook, zoning in on the picture just barely peaking out.

A picture I know a little _too_ well.

A five year old lays bruised and battered on a tennis court, racket and cap off to the side of the image. His golden eyes glazed over in pain and fear as he tries to make something, _anything_, work. There's another boy, near identical to how I look now, kneeling with the kid in his arms. Worry and urgency in the twin golden pools as he shouts to someone not visible to the viewer to hurry up...

_\- Flashback -_

_The racket feels unwelcome in my hands, the only thing the two of us seem to be agreeing on at the moment was that we didn't like each other very much and that the twelve year old across the net was annoying. Though mine was more of a frightened annoyance while it's was that of not being able to use it's full ability to fight him with me gripping onto it like a lifeline. The match has been way to one sided and is already half over despite being only fifteen minutes in, and most of that time was take up by my opponent complaining about me and asking if we could just stop the match. Tou-san looks really mad and disappointed in me and had even walked away at one point but Ka-san had dragged him back. Saying that it was only my first match and all I'd ever done before was watch so of course I was going to lose. _

_Aniki was smiling though. _

_During the court switch he was the only one that had come up to me and for once he hadn't even called me Chibisuke. He said he was proud of me for the returns I had made even if they hadn't scored and that I was doing much better then he had the first time he had actually held a racket. _

_That it didn't matter I was no good yet because I would be and he would be there no matter if I decided I liked playing or would prefer to stay his little cheerleader forever._

_Of course I complained about that as he fretted over the bruises forming all over my body but at least it gave me the determination I needed to force my feet back onto the court._

_Another ball whizzes past my ear and I jump once again in fright, much to the amusement of Aniki and the disappointment of Tou-san, instead of trying to return it. I don't like this. How can they practically form their lives around something like this? _

_"Score already Seishonen!" Tou-san shouts from his place on the bleachers, earning a scathing look from Aniki and a rather murderous one from Ka-san that would have made me laugh in any other situation. The ball comes at me again but I can't do it. I just can't do it. I am physically not able to do this. Why can't they see that? Why can't I be sitting in Ka-san's lap right now making up cheers as Aniki plays? _

_My body feels cold as my racket falls from my hand, someone starting to shout in the background but I can't make out what is being said. My opponent isn't serving again. Why isn't he serving? Aniki looks worried, I want to ask him what's wrong but I just can't seem to move, my body won't do what I want it to do. Who turned off the air? Ka-san said that we need it to live but my chest is burning and I can't seem to get any._

_The world goes hazy as the ground starts coming closer for some reason and strong arms wrap around me, the taste of blood in my mouth._

_\- END -_

The world stops around me for a second, fear settling in my mind as panic rises in my stomach, no one was allowed to know. No one was allowed to so much as suspect...

Eiji-senpai has stopped. His lips are moving but no sound is coming out. In fact my ears must have stopped working because there is no sound at all. Oishi-senpai is making his way over, the acrobat's commotion calling the attention of everyone currently present at the courts. Eyes meeting the hard brown orbs that had silently studied me this morning before unlocking the clubhouse lets me know that they don't just suspect._  
_

They **KNOW**.

My feet are moving on their own, running blindly out of the courts. I had to get out of here and fast. Why was I even here? I wasn't supposed to be playing tennis anyway. It wasn't going to earn me any of Oyoji's attention let alone give back Tou-san's affection. Hell, I didn't even want to be here in the first place. I stop, or rather am forced to fall to my knees, as I start hacking up blood on a pair of sneakers that I barely recognize and can't place through the haze that has become my mind. My last thought is a sense of morbid humor at just how similar this seems to be...

... And that Ryoga would think it anything but.

**Hello Everyone! I hope you all liked this last chapter of Willing My Death. The question from my last chapter still hasn't been answered: ****should the point of view remain being solely Ryoma and Seiichi or should I start adding other people's view points as well? But I have another for all of you anyway. Who is it? ****Reviews make me happy and constructive criticism seems to make me write faster. Until next time...**

**Bye!**


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